Tag Archives: college

throwback: the missing bed.

This is another gem from my freshman year at Oral Roberts University. Things to know:
1. ORU – Oral Roberts University. 2. Hannah and Clarissa – my neighbors. 3. WD-40 – the almighty spray oil of de-squeakerness. 4. Jess – my neighbor two doors down. The one I got into trouble with often. 5. Alcove – a common area on the opposite side of the elevators on our circular dorm floor.
Enjoy!


October 28, 2007. The Adventures of College Life XI
4) The Missing Bed
Here at ORU, there are a lot of squeaks. By squeaks, I mean old rusty joints that haven’t been oiled in probably a decade or so. In response to this squeaky trend, I asked my papa bear (dad) to get me a bottle of all-powerful WD-40. Since returning from KC with this powerful substance, I have been going around reversing the trend of squeakyness. A majority of this reversing has happened in Hannah and Clarissa’s room. Their door was so squeaky that I knew whenever they were entering or leaving their room because I could hear the squeak through the wall. One of the first tasks on my agenda once I returned to ORU was to un-squeak their door. After completing that task, Clarissa asked me to fix one of her dresser drawers that had a nasty squeak at the end of its range of motion. I did some searching on it, greased the bearings, tightened the screws, and the drawer was like new.
So, Hannah asked to borrow my WD-40 to fix her bed on Tuesday night. She didn’t get around to fixing her squeaky bed frame that night, because she fell asleep…which is not a surprise, given that we found her asleep in one of the stairwells once…
Anyway, so Wednesday comes around. After classes, I was hanging around in Hannah’s room until she left for a practicum about a half-hour later. Hannah looked at me when she left and told me:

“Joy Bork, you will NOT de-squeak my bed!”
“Why not?”
“Because you’ve already done too much for me!”
“Whatever.”
“GET OUT OF MY ROOM!”

Of course, someone telling me not to do something makes me want to do it more. After Hannah left, Jess and I decided to be ornery again. We knew that Clarissa was coming back soon, so we hid in her room. I was in the closet, and Jess was at the end of Clarissa’s bed. Clarissa came in just as Jess was going through the screen door to get marshmallow guns out of my room. Clarissa was freaked out just by seeing Jess out of the corner of her eye. Being the smart person that she is, Clarissa deducted that I was hiding in the room somewhere too. After a short and not thorugh search, Clarissa got distracted and gave up looking for me. Jess, being the great friend that she is, put Clarissa back on track by asking for PopTarts, which were in Clarissa’s closet. Clarissa came over to the closet, opened it, got the pop tarts out, then closed the door again…not even noticing that I was crouching in the bottom of it. Eventually, Jess started laughing. This made Clarissa realize that I was in the closet…

Anyway, back to the missing bed.

So, I asked Jess to help me take Hannah’s matress off of the bedframe. I then started WD-40’ing the joints on the bed (If you didn’t know, our beds here on Susie 7 are awesome. They push in to be a “couch” and pull out to reveal the whole matress for sleeping…). Jess got the idea that it would be awesome if we just left the matress in the middle of the floor, since Hannah is so anal sometimes about item placement. We all agreed that it would be hilarious to see Hannah’s reaction…then the idea escalated into moving Hannah’s bed into the alcove…
Yes. The alcove.
We picked up the bed and moved it to the alcove, then remade it so that it looked just like it did when it was on the bedframe, except it was on the floor in the alcove. I proceeded to pull out my video camera to document the event. Dani got a hold of the camera and started filming a documentary of the previous events. Clarissa, Jess, and I explained why the bed was in the alcove. In order to find out when Hannah will be back, I used the excuse of wanting to study for a midterm for Charismatic Life class the next day to see when Hannah will return. We got an estimate of her return at about 7:30.
I then started teaching Dani and Jess how to iron certain articles of clothing. I had asked several of the girls on the path to Hannah’s room to get her talking so that we could know when to get the camera out to film her reaction. I got the camera out just in time and got a perfect reaction…until the battery died…
but anyway, I edited it all into a video. (see below)


Flashback Friday: Lawn Gnomes?

During my freshman year of college, an assignment was given in my fundamentals of media class to create an advertisement.  It could advertise anything…so naturally, in the face of my recent saga with lawn gnomes, I created an ad for “The Lawn Gnome Society.”  It only makes sense, right?

So now, here is that ad, resurrected from the depths of the archives, the Lawn Gnome ad.

Don’t you want to join?

 


Flashback Friday: A Note on Lunchables and Childhood Dreams

This week’s flashback Friday goes all the way back to my junior year at Oral Roberts University, where I was an RA at the time.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the flashback 🙂

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The hallowed lunchable box

This update is dedicated to Samantha Roberts, one of the lovely ladies that resides on my floor.
She prompted this update through fulfilling a childhood dream.

When I was a child (back in the days when Pluto was a planet and I had long hair that was always in pigtails) and a student at a local private Christian school, I had the privilege of bringing a homemade sack lunch with me to school every day. It was a lunch filled with love, a sandwich, some chips, and who knows what else, all encapsulated in a brown bag that was either stapled or taped shut. I loved my sack lunches. They were so satisfying…so full of mom’s love (or Janine’s…depending on who made them…haha). But then there were always the kids that came to school with the lunches that were factory-made and probably not packed with as much love as my lunch. It could have been so much easier to just dismiss their lunches as a cop-out on their mother’s part to actually put effort into a real lunch. But it wasn’t that easy. You see, as children, we are constantly in comparison of each other, in an endless pursuit of our true identity. The kids that had the factory-made lunches seemed so much cooler than those who had the simple paper bags or the soft lunch coolers that always smelled of plastic. There just seemed to be something more attractive about the yellow cardboard packaging and the large letters that screamed of coolness.

If you haven’t guessed yet, I am referring to lunchables…Yes, those delectable, factory made and sealed, highly processed, yet so appealing to the senses lunches that never really fill.

I admit, I wanted to be a cool kid. I tried the subtle hints at the grocery store to get mom to buy them for me, but to no avail. My hope for being cool through having lunchables was crashed, like a wave against the shore.

BUT! There was hope.

Mom took me out of school, away from all of those lunchable-eating kids that always felt so much cooler than me.

I then gained a new sense of cool-ness. I made my own lunch – filled with love, overflowing with flavor, and saturated with every good thing that comes from homemade lunch. lunch then became my most favorite activity. It even drowned out every memory of ever wanting lunchables… until two nights ago.

*Cue mood music*

It was a normal night. I had just woken up from sleeping for an hour and I was going around the floor, doing room check as a good RA should when IT happened.

*music gets more intense*

It looks so good!

I knocked on room 6**, keyed in, opened the door, and saw HER! Sam Roberts was sitting at her desk, using her laptop. Every light in the room was on. In my slightly groggy state, I said a hello. She responded with a extraordinarily chipper, “Hi.”
I didn’t think much of it, and started to shut the door. It then occurred to me that she was super chipper for being 1:37 in the morning, so I commented on it, to which she replied that she was eating a lunchable.

Alison, my roommate, and I ate them!

This statement was followed by a large smile of happiness and joy. I responded that I never had lunchables (cue flashbacks to sitting at the lunch table in kindergarten, watching the lunchable-eating kids). Sam then practically ran to the fridge, pulled out a lunchable and gave it to me. My face suddenly sprouted a ginormious smile, and my life was changed forever, due to the selfless actions of one girl. Thank you, Sam. You have changed my outlook on life.

We enjoyed every bite!

Today, Alison, my roommate, and I ate that lunchable and enjoyed every bit of it – from the initial opening of the package, to the first peeling of the individually sliced ham and cheese slices, to the process of stacking it all on top of a perfectly salted ritz cracker and finally eating the heavenly mixture.

If wheaties is for champions, lunchables is for cool kids (with a lot of exceptions).
Thank you, Oscar Mayer for your contribution towards my life.

Until my next profound revelation, this is Joy Bork, signing off.

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One of the best parts of this post was the aftermath of comments.  Here are my favorites:

From my mother:

DEEP FAMILY SECRETS AND REBUTTAL FROM MOM:
Sniff!!! I didn’t buy you lunchables because I didn’t want you to be “cool”. Don’t forget that many times it is the “cool” ones that compromise. Now that you are “cool” I hope you will still talk to us folks that eat healthier! Please don’t start a facebook group called, “The Cool Lunchables Clique”. Oh, and I also want to tell you a family secret. We are sending you to college on the money we saved by not buying Luncheables! Love you always and forever, Mom
PS You are cool in Jesus without Luncheables! 🙂 Write more updates. I miss them.

From my cousin Matt:

You know Joy…

I was too in 1st Grade one time… With my many cool Lunchable lunches… like Pizza… Pizza… and Pizza. They would have the flat pieces of bread, the sauce, the pepperoni, the little red stick to spread the sauce with, and a miniature piece of candy…

This was Heaven on Earth to me… So I thought!

Then one day as I was wondering of into my own world, while my Teacher, Mrs. Thorwall, was teaching us how to add single digit numbers, my tiny brain thought up an idea just as my stomach started to rumble… Make a pizza sandwich!!!! I thought I was as smart as the guy on the poster by Mrs. Thorwall’s desk with awesome hair that went in all directions…

Then, Lunchtime came, I was very happy that mom had still packed my pizza lunchable. I started to pull off the plastic sealing and took off the first piece of flat bread. I put everything on it and headed toward the next flat bread. While everyone at the table was bitting their fingernails, and the girls at the next table over were whispering to themselves about me being a little dare devil I was, I started to make the second pizza thing.

Just as I was about to put the two pieces together, another idea popped into my awesome brain: put the piece of candy in between the two pizzas! I eyeballed the little Butterfinger in its own little compartment. I reached for it, unwrapped it, and put it on the pizza. A loud gasp was heard throughout the lunchroom, and then complete silence. I smushed the two pizzas together, and took my first bite… *Chew… Chew… GULP!*

Everyone waited in anticipation…

I screamed, “THIS IS THE BEST THING I’VE EVER TASTED!”

Then a huge roar went over the crowd! And now I am thought of as a hero, legend, or a Cool Kid…

Or… They thought I was just gross… I don’t remember.

Anyways, just thought you would like to hear my story.

Love,
Matt

My friend Hannah:

This made me miss you incredibly. Its like you were in front of me talking and sharing your heart with me….your hurting, lunchable- neglected heart. Im sure the healing process has already begun. I’m proud.

Oh the simple joys of life.
What will you enjoy today?


Blast from the past….

I wanted to post one of my favorite ever blogs that I’ve written from all the way back on August 20, 2007. I had just begun my freshman year at Oral Roberts University, and was awkwardly making friends.

Grab some popcorn and a cool drink and enjoy the first episode of “The Adventures of College Life.”

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Harry, before the crime

It was a warm, musky Friday night when Kaley Herndon and I, Joy Bork decided to go to Wal-Mart and buy lawn gnomes. But alas, this was not the real beginning of the adventure. That started when I asked Kaley what she thought about the dwindling population of Lawn Gnomes in our society today. Kaley didn’t have a complete answer, but I filled in with my amazing improv speech skills…
And I quote:

“Assets of Lawn Gnomes in our soceity:
1) They keep our gardens safe from bunnies and other small rodents.
2) They help enhance the air because of their protection of green plant life.
3) They make our homes and dorms look warm and inviting.”

Upon this convincing speech, Kaley and I were moved to help the dwindling population. We made a exodus to our local Wal-Mart. As we entered into the garden department, we noticed how small the lawn gnome population really was, because of the small selection thereof. Upon arriving in the garden glamour section, we found our two gnomes. lovingly named them Harry and Fred. It was a lovely evening afterwards. They trekked all over the store with us finding lint rollers, boxes, white boards and many other college life necessities. Upon arriving back at the dorm, we gave our gnomes a woman’s touch, since their wardrobe was clearly in need of it. Then we placed them in their places of glory…on the left side of each of our doorways. We were then moved to run around the circular halls of our dorm with PVC blowguns that shoot amazing ammo: Marshmallows. While I was being chased, I was looking for Harry, my gnome, as a reference point as to the location of my residence. After missing my room two or so times, I realized that HARRY WAS GONE!

Melissa making lost signs

So, as the good protector that I am, I went after Harry. Kaley and I recruited several others to aid in our search: Melissa, Starla, and another Melissa. We scouered our floor, Janine’s floor, and a few other places. When our search turned up no leads, we came back to my room (Search HQ) to regroup and come up with a new plan. One of my comrades suggested making lost notes.

Kaley and Fred, her gnome

So, all four of us began creating art in the effort of having Harry returned to us. Kaley then posted the notes all over the floor, and put a petition in the elevator. We then decided to rest and let God do the work.

After some time, all evidence pointed towards my next door neighbor, Hannah, as the thief of my lawn gnome. The evidence was mounting…a comment made before the crime (“Joy?!?! What is this evil troll lady thing doing outside your door??!?!?), an observation after the crime (“So, you guys are making lost signs?”), and evidence later on from two seperate conversations:
My roomate, Mattie: “I heard Harry was in the bathroom!”
Me: “Who told you that?”
Mattie: “Hannah.”

Starla, one of our artists, making lost signs.

Evidence also came from a conversation on the way back from an evening chapel service with a connection to the thief (Drew)…
Him:” Joy! Do you know who stole your gnome?”
Me: “I have my suspicions.”
Him: “Who?”
Me: “My next door neighbor, Hannah.”
Him: “You’re probably right…and I think you should get her back.”
Both of us: *Evil laugh*

The evidence is all pointing in Hannah’s direction, and only God can convict her to confess the truth before God and us.

So ends your first glimpse into my college life.

Hannah, the gnome thief

Kaley with the lost signs

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Sometimes I wonder how I graduated college with friends. It is so fun to look back and see what adventures I had then…and to dream about what adventures are to come!